tiger dream

it's been too long since my last post to try and "catch up".. so i'll just jump back in!

i had a dream! this is a normal occurrence for a lot of people, but i rarely remember my dreams. i've been asking God to do a few things. 1 - speak to me in dreams, and 2 - help me remember them! and they both happened just the other night. i shared this dream with a friend who encouraged me to write it down. so here i am, back again. and i'm believing God for the interpretation!

i was on a train, with a lot of people, all dressed very nicely, as if going to work. i have no idea what the time period was, but i don't think it was this century. maybe the last one. we were traveling at a high rate of speed, and it was twilight outside.

suddenly, there were three tigers at the windows of the train! they were trying to swipe the people inside with their claws. there was also at least one tiger on top of the train, pacing back and forth. the thing that was so interesting to me is that no one paid any attention to the tigers. no one was wounded or even bothered by them. but they tried nonetheless to disrupt the train.

then the scene flashed to a deep cave. there were many guards standing in the cave, all of them armed heavily. as the dream moved through the cave, it ended at the back of a man at a touch-screen computer that resembled a chess board. somehow i knew that the man was "in charge" and as i watched him move his finger over the board, the dream flashed back to the train and the tigers would move in the same way.

back at the cave, i watched a samurai sneak in and take out all the guards, one by one. then he snuck up behind the man in charge and slit his throat. the tigers lost interest and walked away.

and that was that.

intriguing. so intriguing that i still remember the details. SWEET!

oh yeah!!

happy birthday to my husband!!! :) :) i love you!

p.s. still gotta get your card!

on this day.. God wants you to know...

"...that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step. You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times."

how fitting for this season that i'm entering into... i finally got the nerve to talk to my boss about my career plans and dreams, and she was ON BOARD! i was totally amazed that she was supportive, since i was so nervous to talk to her about it. she offered suggestions on how to go to school while working, and i think it's doable... at least for a few months. i will be starting school in april to train to be a medical assistant. school will be for 7 months on fridays and saturdays (all day!!!) and then the last month will be an externship. i will be finished in december! woot woot!!! :) :)

my eventual plan is to be a registered nurse. the problem is that nursing schools all over the state of colorado have wait lists that are 2-3 years long. after you finish your prerequisites. ouch. i want to be working in the field, making connections long before that. so my answer is medical assisting. hopefully, i'll be able to get on with a great doctor who believes in helping their people succeed and become all they can and want to be, and will offer tuition reimbursement for nursing school.

i am so so so excited about this step i'm about to take! i've been wanting to do this for a long time now. and it's time! :) :) :)

let's talk about getting a new bed

zach and i are getting a new bed with our tax refund. and we're ecstatic about it! we have been married almost 2 years and have been sleeping on a free mattress we got from craigslist right after we moved in together after the wedding.

well, to remember correctly, for the first month we lived together after the wedding, we slept on zach's full mattress. um, we are NOT small people. and it was miserable. we got next to no sleep, and not because we were getting it on. we could barely breathe without waking the other up. not pleasant.

so when we moved into our new place, we found a free bed set on CL and brought it home. the bed has served us well but it's getting thinner and more lumpy and depresses me to no end. no surprise, we're ready for a new bed!

we put getting a new bed at the top of our priority list not too long ago. and it's finally time to follow through! hooray!!

once again, i've gone to CL to see what deals i can find.. i have been surprised by a lot of dealers trying to sell mattresses. we have about $700 allocated for the new mattress, box springs and frame. i found a new pillowtop mattress and box spring in the factory plastic for $265! we may go and look at mattress stores to see if we can find anything that's just amazing, but i am kind of intrigued, for sure.

and i am dying for a good night's sleep!!!! hooray for tax refunds! and hooray for new beds!

february 13, 2010

so i got a new follower to my blog... which means i better start blogging again! YIKES! :) there's been enough to write about, just not enough mental wherewithal to get all of my thoughts out. get it together, bethie! seriously now.

i have recently jumped back on the weight loss bandwagon. for those of you reading that may not know, i had lap-band surgery in june of 2007. i initially lost about 80 pounds, and then dun dun DUN......... i married zach. and then i got super lazy. i gained almost all of that weight back in the next year and a half, which is something i'm not proud of. i have this amazing tool and i was not using it to its full capability. how irresponsible of me.

for those not familiar with the lap-band device or how it works, this is a great site to check out.

i had plenty of excuses for not getting my band filled. i can't get time off work to go. zach likes me just the way i am. i'm healthy enough, just overweight, so who cares? i don't have insurance. (then, when i had insurance) i don't know if the fill is covered by my insurance. i just moved to denver and don't know where to go.

well, i care. zach cares. my parents care. ultimately, God cares. i am supposed to be responsible and take care of my body. our future kids will care.

not to mention, i have PCOS.

PCOS is greatly effected by obesity. and PCOS greatly effects fertility. if i lose weight, the PCOS can get better, although it is not curable. whether or not the side effects decrease, i must take care of my body. afterall, i only have one!

so last week, when i was off work recuperating from gallbladder surgery, i went in for a consultation with a lap-band surgeon here in denver. i was expecting a meeting and to develop a game plan for getting a fill and moving forward. the surgeon decided to do the fill that day. well, he wanted to, but it didn't work out. we ended up having to do the fill the next day under fluoroscope. it's basically a fast-moving x-ray so that the doctor can get real-time images and, in my case, see exactly where the band port is and get the needle in the right spot.

the fill ended up taking a really long time, even under the fluoroscope. and with a great team of radiation techs. it didn't hurt, as they gave me a local anesthetic around the area where the port is located. but we got the fill done, which was the main point.

since the fill, i have lost about 8 pounds. this is a small victory, but a victory that i will celebrate. i am able to eat much less food than before the fill. i am looking forward to many more pounds shed.

stay tuned, won't you? i promise to post much more often.

this has got to be the best day ever!

well.... the best day ever this week, anyway.... hehe.... :)

my diet is going really, REALLY well! yesterday and today my energy level has been through the roof and so i've been able to get some things done that i've been wanting to get done for awhile (aka laundry, cleaning, organizing, etc.) zach helped me rearrange our bedroom and put our new navy sheets that feel like heaven on our bed and the new shite duvet that feels like heaven on the down comforter! we slept so well last night we didn't really want to get up this morning!

plus it's mother's day! and i am so grateful for my mom. she doesn't read this blog because she doesn't know that it exsists, but i love her. she sacrificed for our family for a long, long time so that we would never be in want. i was able to go to any camp, mission trip, school trip, or do pretty much anything i wanted to do (within reason!) because she made sure i had opportunities that she had never had. and now that i'm all grown up and married, she is even cooler! she laughs with me and talks things through with me. she helps me know that i'm going to be ok, no matter the situation. i absolutely adore my mom!

and also, i made the decision on friday night to go to school to become a nurse! can you believe it?!? i think there's something about impending birthdays that make you take inventory and see where you feel you're lacking and work on those things.. i will be 28 in one week and i finally figured out what i want to be when i grow up. it's a really cool thing! it's so funny, because it is the most natural thing in the world for me to be a nurse. :) yay for figuring it out!

i'm am SO ready for 28.... bring it on!

i absolutely love

this time of year... the trees are all turning green, and people seem nicer to each other. the threat of snow is gone in denver (for now, i hear) until winter and life just feels more beautiful.

i started a new diet on monday, and it's going really really well.. i made it up myself so i can only be mad at me if it's too hard or gets monotonous. my goal is to fit into a bridesmaid dress i haven't ever tried on or been measured for on june 7 for my best friend's wedding. i told her today that my diet was going well and she responded, "yay! i'm so happy for you!" i responded back, "i'm so happy for YOU! now i won't look like a platinum stuffed mushroom in your wedding!" i crack myself up! she wasn't pleased but finally laughed. it came to me as an epiphany, so i had to share, RIGHT?? ;)

i am really, really happy with this stationary shop i found on etsy this week! i ordered some notecards for a special someone on may 3, and they were in my mailbox today! and i got 16 cards for $25. what.a.deal! go here: silhouetteblue to see what megan has to offer! she also included a free happy birthday card (even though these weren't for a birthday) and a sweet handwritten note thanking me for my order. i <3 silhoutteblue!

on another note, the daytime receptionist at work is now out on an "indefinite" leave of absence because of a strange stomach thing she has going on.... they have no idea what it is even though they've run multiple tests... she's nearing 70, so this is scary for her, i'm sure.. this means lots of overtime for beth... which i guess is good, since we're going on vacation to texas for my best friend's wedding at the end of may. i'm just going to get a little less sleep than i would like. darn.

saturday, i'm going to start the spring cleaning/organizing of our home! should be a challenge, but i'm up for it!

last note - our landlords are the sweetest! they mailed us an anniversary card with a target gift card in it! what a surprise! :) we love them!

best moment this week:

hands-down.... having my friend's one year old daughter fall asleep in my arms... sigh. nothing but peace in that moment. it makes me confident that when our time comes to have a baby that i will be a good mommy. that even though i don't always make her laugh, i can calm her fears and she can rest with me.

so unbelievably blessed

today is our anniversary.. we've been married one whole year! woot. in some ways, it feels like it's gone so fast, and in other ways, it feels like each moment is frozen in time and i can flip through the year like a photo album... of course, we don't really take pictures, so there's no physical photo album to flip through - ha... it's so nice to be married to someone who really loves and respects me. the operative word here could be "adores" but we'll leave that one alone for now.. ;)

we really did have a perfect day today. we went to church this morning, and i sang a duet with my sister-in-law who is in the states from thailand. i had heard she had a great voice, but i was even surprised with the quality! i'm not sure why.. i should have believed everyone. live and learn. we were going to go to lunch by ourselves, but that really isn't zach and beth... so we went to lunch with a bunch of people from church and had steak. it was very yummy! we then came home and had some sweet lovin's... totally fun and romantic and awesome! then i hung out on the couch and zach made reservations at sushi sasa in downtown denver..

we went down there and it did NOT disappoint.. they had awesome sampler platters so we could each go with our comfort level (mine - medium, zach's - beginner).. that came with soup and salad (amazing house dressing!) and we ordered tempura for appetizers.. our server was fab - thank you brody! we mentioned it was our anniversary and he brought out dessert on the house! we also each enjoyed a glass of wine with our meals. all around great experience! the snow was really pretty coming down outside of the window. the restaurant is tiny - only hold about 62 people, so it was very intimate and perfect for an anniversary.

now we're home and watching CSI on DVR and it's been a literally perfect day. zach gave me two cards that were just perfect.. and i gave him two cards that i loved too.. also, since the first anniversary is the "paper" anniversary, i gave him a package of post-its! too silly.. :)

two things we decided at dinner that are note-worthy:

1. we're going to share 2 experiences a month with each other that we've never done together.. one can be "weak" (this is zach's term) such as a favorite movie or tv show the other hasn't seen... and
2. we're going to take at least one good picture together for each month over the next year. we took only a few pics over the last year and i regret that. we're not going to let that happen again!
   

no discussion of babies.. so looks like we're just keepin' on in the same direction. it was really nice to talk to my husband. he's so wonderful and cool. i wish everyone could know him... he rocks my world! :) :)

anyway, i'm in love. so so so in love. and so ready to continue this adventure side-by-side with my best friend.

it's been too long

since my last update... or so my husband says. i think i've been in a funk and didn't want to write about it.. but i'm finally feeling up to writing. my laptop was also on the fritz, and i could have used zach's computer, but it wouldn't have been the same.. weird, i know.

anyway, yesterday was zach's birthday. he is 29, but i have been joking with him that being 29 is basically being 30, so he is 30, and therefore old. i know 30 isn't old, and i will be there in 2 years or so myself, but still... i like being feisty from time to time (or almost constantly).. ;) we really celebrated zach's birthday well.. we went with a big group of friends to the cheesecake factory in downtown denver on friday night and really enjoyed that! we were also celebrating my friend sarah's birthday.. and tonnie's.. and christina's! there were almost 20 of us... but it was great fun! i kind of didn't want to go when i found out how many people would be there because i can't hear everyone and spend time with everyone when there's that many people and i tend to feel overwhelmed in that large of a crowd in an already crowded space... but it was FUN!

yesterday, we continued the celebration for zach by hanging out in the morning, then heading to ophelia's, this little hole-in-the-wall mexcian restaurant for breakfast burritos and then to a wedding shower for his best friend and his wife to be. that was a lot of fun.. then we came back home and rested before dinner with zach's dad at gaetano's italian restaurant. zach has always wanted to go there because of it's old ties with the denver mob families, but hadn't been yet. the food was good.. i have a new favorite ice cream.. spumoni! YUM! then we went to see taken at the movie theater by our house.. full of suspense and shootings and violence. just how zach likes his movies. hehe... we both loved it though! zach says it's better than the bourne series. now, that's impressive!

i really have been pretty frustrated at work the last month or so.. this last week everything kind of hit the fan and i was ready to pack all of our stuff and move away. i know it will get better, but i was really over it. we'll see what transpires over the next 6 months to a year... i really have faith that God is going to move some people around and that it will be a very good thing. i just have to hold out.. that's the hard part.

i'm really excited to see my sister-in-law! she's coming in this week from thailand and i think she said she'll be here 2 or 3 weeks. we're helping put on a benefit dinner for a thai orphanage called house of hope next weekend. it will be really fun and i'm praying that we can raise the money that we need to raise.

it is SUCH a beautiful day here in denver today.... it's about 78 degrees and sunny... a little windy which helps keep the heat from sinking in.. and it's simply gorgeous! we saw a ton of people out working on their yards today.. and it's the perfect day for it!

i promise i will try and post more often.. but this sleepy girl needs a nap!

feeling better

since my last blog.. for one thing, i ovulated, according to fertility friend. and i will take it! zach and i were not having sex during that whole period of possibly fertile to most fertile, and i think it was taking a toll on me... needless to say, we've done the deed and i'm feeling better about that! :D

we had a really good weekend, too. friday night was a girls' night in at my friend reina's house.. just three girls hanging out.. we watched "the secret life of bees" and it was really inspiring. it was also refreshing to spend time with some women from church who i haven't really had a chance to get to know yet..

then on saturday, we just hung out at home and finally went to exchange some pots and pans that we've been meaning to return for about a month! we got a really nice set for our wedding, but we should have gotten stainless steel! the teflon was already flaking off and we all know how healthy that is! so we exchanged the set we got for a larger stainless steel version and i know it made zach really happy. saturday night was our young adult church group, and it was about love. i was really convicted to love better.

today, we went to church, and i sang on the worship team as i usually do, but today just felt good.. i'm not sure why.. afterwards there was a fundraiser for this next weekend's youth and young adult conference in estes park. zach and i are planning on going, and this fundraiser was a lot of fun. by my calculations, we were able to raise almost $1800! that's pretty awesome!! it costs $135 to send one person to the conference, so that's a lot of people we can send.. there was an auction for the right to pie our pastors in the face. the first one went for $60, the next one $125, the third one for $160 and the senior pastor went for a whopping $810!!! WHAT? pretty awesome..

we came home to take a nap and now we're watching CSI: Miami and as soon as it's over, we're going to go grocery shopping and grab a bite to eat. it feels good to have a relaxing weekend with my hubs. i have high hopes for this week.. i hope that it flies by and that i do a good job at work so that nobody gives me a hard time. i hope that zach and i continue to love each other well. i hope that this weekend, everyone who attends the conference has a life-changing experience.

it's going to be a great week. i can just tell.

bitterness

"and she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord, and wept bitterly." 1 samuel 1:10

i'm not exactly weeping, but i am definitely experiencing this "bitterness of soul" that is discussed here in 1 samuel.

the story that this comes from in the Bible, is of hannah praying to God for a son. while i'm currently feeling content with waiting for a baby, i'm also feeling overwhelmed with sadness today. i know part of it is wanting a baby, but it's not all of it. i don't really even know how to explain what is wrong.

i also really have to stop obsessing about when i am going to ovulate, or if i am going to ovulate. i am worried that my last cycle really screwed me up. i need to chill out about it.

i miss my family. i don't feel at home in this condo. it feels too small and too awkward.

i'm going to a girls' night in, and hopefully that will get me out of this funk. i'm going to be ok. just need to chill.......

hope

my good friend sarah, from church, gave me the cutest t-shirt today for our little baby (that is currently nonexsistant)...



she wrote me the sweetest card about how we will have a baby in God's timing and that his timing is perfect. she gave me this as a "point of contact", a place we can come back to when we're feeling particularly discouraged or concerned that it's not time or that we're not ready.. so thoughtful! of course if the first baby is a boy, sarah said she'll have to get him something else, since this is a bit girly... :)

i sang a solo in church this morning and it went well. i love to sing, and i know that i have to use my voice or it might go away... but i feel uncomfortable singing solos. i don't mind leading a group of people.. but by myself, my face turns bright stinkin' RED! i guess that will go away as i sing alone more often.

happy february!

i can't believe the first month of the year is already gone. only 4 days until our 10 monthiversary! woo!

a lot of strange dreams were dreamed last night by me.. mostly about charting and the last dream i had about charting ended with me giving a presentation to a roomful of women urging them to begin charting too.. i think it's because i finally shared my charts on fertilityfriend.com and then was perusing the chart galleries..

my last cycle's chart was a little sad to share, because they automatically categorized it as a "miscarriage" chart. i guess they do that any time you record a positive pg test and then a negative one. i am still perplexed by my last cycle before this one... i thought if you had a chemical pregnancy or a m/c you would start bleeding pretty soon after. not so in my case. i guess that's why i'm fascinated by the human body. and it just reminds me that i was formed in my mother's womb by an intelligent Creator who loves me.

here's my last chart... just for grins.


(click on the half-chart to see the whole thing)

anyway... it's kinda crazy, huh? i felt crazy the entire 59 days. ok, maybe just the 44 days of my luteal phase. well... to be more specific, starting from 7 dpo. when i had that little "implantation dip". that was also around when i started experiencing the symptoms of nausea, tender breasts, and extreme fatigue. i just knew my mom was going to be concerned and then tell everyone i was likely knocked up. but she didn't. thank God. for real.

anyway... i have to go sing a solo in church now.

diehard

this is what my husband called me this morning.

i was threatening to quit my diet if i didn't "look skinnier".

haha.. i pictured myself like bruce willis with lots of guns and fire and killing.

so here i go again. fighting the good fight. to drop the weight and be healthy.




sigh.

25 random things about me

Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. (i'm not going to tag 25 people, but feel free to do this yourself!)


25 Random Things about Me

1. i love to do laundry, but only when i have enough time to do it properly. otherwise, it's just a big fat chore.
   
2. i am now a crier. this began sometime in my mid-twenties. but i don't remember when.
3. my first name is sarah but it sounds and feels weird when people call me that.
4. some of my best friends i have not met and may never meet - a group of women i met on the knot when i was planning my wedding. they forced us to the nest, but we've pretty much all stuck together. they know so so so much about me, and i am grateful to them for loving me and walking through so much with me over the last year.
5. i absolutely LOVE grapefruit. seriously. love. it.
6. i have only had one car accident - i fell asleep at the wheel going 85 mph and hit a guardrail head on. i walked out with a scratch on my ankle and bruises on my chest and neck. definitely felt the hand of God in that situation.
7. i'm a perfectionist when it comes to cleaning the bathroom. i won't allow my husband to do it.
8. my favorite color is my last name - GREEN! and i think that's pretty darn cool!
9. i am obsessed with office supplies. l-o-v-e them!
   
10. i only like 2-3 ice cubes in my glass. i prefer cold beverages with no ice, but sometimes you gotta have ice.
    
11. i have PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome. and i am continually learning to live with it. it can affect the TTC experience in a really negative way. it often causes me to lose hope. but i know with God all things are possible.
    
12. one of my biggest desires is to be a mommy.
    
13. it irritates me to no end when people can't spell or use grammar or punctuation correctly. i realize that i don't capitalize most words (even names) but i think that is fine.
    
14. my wedding ring set was my grandmother's. she gave it to zach to propose with and it means so much to me.
15. i am from texas and i am one of those people who think texas can do no wrong.
    
16. zach and i met when we were freshmen in college and lost touch after that first year, then reconnected in 2007 over myspace. i think that's incredible.
    
17. i love the number 17.
    
18. i am fascinated by medical stuff. i might become a nurse some day.
19. my husband really is my best friend. and then christine. and then my mom. and then the ladies i mentioned in nuber 4.
20. i adore pedicures.
    
21. i only am happy with my hair when it is shiny. it is only shiny enough when it is dark. sigh.
22. i once took a limo all by myself in vegas for $4 from the strip to the airport because it was all the money i had left from my crazy whirlwind trip and the limo driver agreed.
    
23. i just stopped biting my nails (at my dear husband's request) in december.
    
24. i really want to start a 101 in 1001 list and follow through.
    
25. i am terrified when i pass a semi that it will hit me, or will lose its load on my car. freaks me out!

sooo there ya go! some things you never cared to know, but now you do. :)

dieting sucks

well, not really, but kind of.

i am doing an adaptive version of the 6 week body makeover, and so far it hasn't been too hard. i just know when i buckle down to actually do the real thing, it's going to be hardcore. i know i want the results that it guarantees, but no sugar, salt, or bread for 6 weeks? WOW!

one thing i like about it is that i can eat every 2-3 hours, and carbs are NOT off-limits. i can also eat a lot of fruits that i love - like berries and grapefruit!

side note.. i have an obsession with grapefruit that may have never been seen before. i normally like to sprinkle kosher salt on top, but with a no salt diet, i've switched to splenda. and it is equally delish! i really could eat grapefruit for every meal.

i keep telling myself that i'm on this weight loss journey for a good reason. that helps (a little).

zach says we can start TTC once we both have gotten to our goal weights. i don't know what my goal weight should be. i have a goal "size", and i don't know how much i would need to weigh to be in that size. sigh. i really do want to come up with a goal so that we can head off in the right direction. any suggestions? no idea what i currently weigh now. that could be a problem.

i think my ideal body weight is something like 115 pounds. YEAH RIGHT! i'm sooooo sure i could be 115 pounds. ::rolls eyes:: i reall just have a lot of muscle, underneath the flab, that would make it difficult, if not impossible, to reach that number.

on another note, i am considering doing a 101 in 1001 list. it seems that it would be inspiring to myself and others.

why are the kids on tv eating cookies???? damn the cookies.

obligatory first post

i am starting a new blog. this much is obvious and without a need for explanation.

but i am going to explain why i am starting a new blog. zach (my sweet husband, for those who may not know) wanted to know why i couldn't just use myspace or facebook. i don't have an answer for that. i feel like i need a new start on a place that is just my own. (contrary to popular belief, myspace doesn't belong to "me" or "you".. it's not my space.) but i feel like this gone green blog could be my space. where i can blog openly and honestly. and that is an exciting proposition to me.

one thing i should talk about in my first post is that i am currently a fugitive.

i received a letter in the mail alerting me to the fact that i have been ignoring notices of criminal warrants out for my arrest (of which, for the record, i have never been made aware) and that this is the final notice before i am hunted down and taken into custody. imagine my surprise and concern as i am reading this letter!

i called the toll free number found in the letter the next morning and spoke with a nice woman named jessica, who informed me that i had outstanding warrants for not paying a speeding ticket in athens, texas from 2002. the total i must pay to avoid arrest and losing my privilege to drive is $505.70. ouch.

my mom who is a paralegal in east texas is looking into options for me. i am not going to be able to go down there to fight this ticket, so i will likely have to pay the $505, which makes me very sad. we will see what happens. i have until february 23 to pay the money.

so you're reading a tale from a fugitive. how does that make you feel? brave? teehee... :)

on another note, i am really tired of having very tired of working 6 days a week. i appreciate the opportunity to make extra money with overtime, but i miss my time to rest.

i actually have a lot to blog about. i already feel really good about starting this blog. i will write again soon to catch up.