feeling better

since my last blog.. for one thing, i ovulated, according to fertility friend. and i will take it! zach and i were not having sex during that whole period of possibly fertile to most fertile, and i think it was taking a toll on me... needless to say, we've done the deed and i'm feeling better about that! :D

we had a really good weekend, too. friday night was a girls' night in at my friend reina's house.. just three girls hanging out.. we watched "the secret life of bees" and it was really inspiring. it was also refreshing to spend time with some women from church who i haven't really had a chance to get to know yet..

then on saturday, we just hung out at home and finally went to exchange some pots and pans that we've been meaning to return for about a month! we got a really nice set for our wedding, but we should have gotten stainless steel! the teflon was already flaking off and we all know how healthy that is! so we exchanged the set we got for a larger stainless steel version and i know it made zach really happy. saturday night was our young adult church group, and it was about love. i was really convicted to love better.

today, we went to church, and i sang on the worship team as i usually do, but today just felt good.. i'm not sure why.. afterwards there was a fundraiser for this next weekend's youth and young adult conference in estes park. zach and i are planning on going, and this fundraiser was a lot of fun. by my calculations, we were able to raise almost $1800! that's pretty awesome!! it costs $135 to send one person to the conference, so that's a lot of people we can send.. there was an auction for the right to pie our pastors in the face. the first one went for $60, the next one $125, the third one for $160 and the senior pastor went for a whopping $810!!! WHAT? pretty awesome..

we came home to take a nap and now we're watching CSI: Miami and as soon as it's over, we're going to go grocery shopping and grab a bite to eat. it feels good to have a relaxing weekend with my hubs. i have high hopes for this week.. i hope that it flies by and that i do a good job at work so that nobody gives me a hard time. i hope that zach and i continue to love each other well. i hope that this weekend, everyone who attends the conference has a life-changing experience.

it's going to be a great week. i can just tell.

bitterness

"and she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed to the Lord, and wept bitterly." 1 samuel 1:10

i'm not exactly weeping, but i am definitely experiencing this "bitterness of soul" that is discussed here in 1 samuel.

the story that this comes from in the Bible, is of hannah praying to God for a son. while i'm currently feeling content with waiting for a baby, i'm also feeling overwhelmed with sadness today. i know part of it is wanting a baby, but it's not all of it. i don't really even know how to explain what is wrong.

i also really have to stop obsessing about when i am going to ovulate, or if i am going to ovulate. i am worried that my last cycle really screwed me up. i need to chill out about it.

i miss my family. i don't feel at home in this condo. it feels too small and too awkward.

i'm going to a girls' night in, and hopefully that will get me out of this funk. i'm going to be ok. just need to chill.......

hope

my good friend sarah, from church, gave me the cutest t-shirt today for our little baby (that is currently nonexsistant)...



she wrote me the sweetest card about how we will have a baby in God's timing and that his timing is perfect. she gave me this as a "point of contact", a place we can come back to when we're feeling particularly discouraged or concerned that it's not time or that we're not ready.. so thoughtful! of course if the first baby is a boy, sarah said she'll have to get him something else, since this is a bit girly... :)

i sang a solo in church this morning and it went well. i love to sing, and i know that i have to use my voice or it might go away... but i feel uncomfortable singing solos. i don't mind leading a group of people.. but by myself, my face turns bright stinkin' RED! i guess that will go away as i sing alone more often.

happy february!

i can't believe the first month of the year is already gone. only 4 days until our 10 monthiversary! woo!

a lot of strange dreams were dreamed last night by me.. mostly about charting and the last dream i had about charting ended with me giving a presentation to a roomful of women urging them to begin charting too.. i think it's because i finally shared my charts on fertilityfriend.com and then was perusing the chart galleries..

my last cycle's chart was a little sad to share, because they automatically categorized it as a "miscarriage" chart. i guess they do that any time you record a positive pg test and then a negative one. i am still perplexed by my last cycle before this one... i thought if you had a chemical pregnancy or a m/c you would start bleeding pretty soon after. not so in my case. i guess that's why i'm fascinated by the human body. and it just reminds me that i was formed in my mother's womb by an intelligent Creator who loves me.

here's my last chart... just for grins.


(click on the half-chart to see the whole thing)

anyway... it's kinda crazy, huh? i felt crazy the entire 59 days. ok, maybe just the 44 days of my luteal phase. well... to be more specific, starting from 7 dpo. when i had that little "implantation dip". that was also around when i started experiencing the symptoms of nausea, tender breasts, and extreme fatigue. i just knew my mom was going to be concerned and then tell everyone i was likely knocked up. but she didn't. thank God. for real.

anyway... i have to go sing a solo in church now.

diehard

this is what my husband called me this morning.

i was threatening to quit my diet if i didn't "look skinnier".

haha.. i pictured myself like bruce willis with lots of guns and fire and killing.

so here i go again. fighting the good fight. to drop the weight and be healthy.




sigh.

25 random things about me

Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. (i'm not going to tag 25 people, but feel free to do this yourself!)


25 Random Things about Me

1. i love to do laundry, but only when i have enough time to do it properly. otherwise, it's just a big fat chore.
   
2. i am now a crier. this began sometime in my mid-twenties. but i don't remember when.
3. my first name is sarah but it sounds and feels weird when people call me that.
4. some of my best friends i have not met and may never meet - a group of women i met on the knot when i was planning my wedding. they forced us to the nest, but we've pretty much all stuck together. they know so so so much about me, and i am grateful to them for loving me and walking through so much with me over the last year.
5. i absolutely LOVE grapefruit. seriously. love. it.
6. i have only had one car accident - i fell asleep at the wheel going 85 mph and hit a guardrail head on. i walked out with a scratch on my ankle and bruises on my chest and neck. definitely felt the hand of God in that situation.
7. i'm a perfectionist when it comes to cleaning the bathroom. i won't allow my husband to do it.
8. my favorite color is my last name - GREEN! and i think that's pretty darn cool!
9. i am obsessed with office supplies. l-o-v-e them!
   
10. i only like 2-3 ice cubes in my glass. i prefer cold beverages with no ice, but sometimes you gotta have ice.
    
11. i have PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome. and i am continually learning to live with it. it can affect the TTC experience in a really negative way. it often causes me to lose hope. but i know with God all things are possible.
    
12. one of my biggest desires is to be a mommy.
    
13. it irritates me to no end when people can't spell or use grammar or punctuation correctly. i realize that i don't capitalize most words (even names) but i think that is fine.
    
14. my wedding ring set was my grandmother's. she gave it to zach to propose with and it means so much to me.
15. i am from texas and i am one of those people who think texas can do no wrong.
    
16. zach and i met when we were freshmen in college and lost touch after that first year, then reconnected in 2007 over myspace. i think that's incredible.
    
17. i love the number 17.
    
18. i am fascinated by medical stuff. i might become a nurse some day.
19. my husband really is my best friend. and then christine. and then my mom. and then the ladies i mentioned in nuber 4.
20. i adore pedicures.
    
21. i only am happy with my hair when it is shiny. it is only shiny enough when it is dark. sigh.
22. i once took a limo all by myself in vegas for $4 from the strip to the airport because it was all the money i had left from my crazy whirlwind trip and the limo driver agreed.
    
23. i just stopped biting my nails (at my dear husband's request) in december.
    
24. i really want to start a 101 in 1001 list and follow through.
    
25. i am terrified when i pass a semi that it will hit me, or will lose its load on my car. freaks me out!

sooo there ya go! some things you never cared to know, but now you do. :)

dieting sucks

well, not really, but kind of.

i am doing an adaptive version of the 6 week body makeover, and so far it hasn't been too hard. i just know when i buckle down to actually do the real thing, it's going to be hardcore. i know i want the results that it guarantees, but no sugar, salt, or bread for 6 weeks? WOW!

one thing i like about it is that i can eat every 2-3 hours, and carbs are NOT off-limits. i can also eat a lot of fruits that i love - like berries and grapefruit!

side note.. i have an obsession with grapefruit that may have never been seen before. i normally like to sprinkle kosher salt on top, but with a no salt diet, i've switched to splenda. and it is equally delish! i really could eat grapefruit for every meal.

i keep telling myself that i'm on this weight loss journey for a good reason. that helps (a little).

zach says we can start TTC once we both have gotten to our goal weights. i don't know what my goal weight should be. i have a goal "size", and i don't know how much i would need to weigh to be in that size. sigh. i really do want to come up with a goal so that we can head off in the right direction. any suggestions? no idea what i currently weigh now. that could be a problem.

i think my ideal body weight is something like 115 pounds. YEAH RIGHT! i'm sooooo sure i could be 115 pounds. ::rolls eyes:: i reall just have a lot of muscle, underneath the flab, that would make it difficult, if not impossible, to reach that number.

on another note, i am considering doing a 101 in 1001 list. it seems that it would be inspiring to myself and others.

why are the kids on tv eating cookies???? damn the cookies.